Getting your ducks in a row

It's been, what, over three weeks since I've written an article for this blog?  That's way too long, especially since I intended to write about twice a week when I started this thing.  I don't really have an excuse.  The real reason that I haven't written for so long is that I just let myself get overwhelmed with all that is going on in my life these days.  I've had so many things on my plate that the blog thing just fell off the edge.

I know this is just whining, but what happened was that I got this thing going on with my teeth, or maybe it was my sinuses (it's not fixed yet and I still don't know what it is), that kind of threw me for a loop.  I was in constant pain and I still can't drink or eat anything cold.  Not to mention that if I go outside and there is the slightest breeze blowing it makes the side of my face ache like hell.  So that has been going on.

While the teeth/sinus/face thing was at its worst I couldn't do much master gardener stuff because most of that is done outside and I couldn't go out in the wind without bundling my face up like I had elephant man disease or something.  I did do some web site and Facebook work for the master gardeners but I couldn't really get my hands dirty, which is what I like to do.  On top of that there was a big political upheaval in the local master gardener organization and I got stuck taking up the slack in the demonstration gardens when the two people who had been in charge of them left suddenly.

The grandkids had some stuff going on during this timeframe too, so of course my wife and I couldn't miss out on that.  Then my old gal had some health appointments, some of which I tagged along to.  After that the weather turned cold and then hot again and then so cold that it froze the water in the birdbath.  So I had to put up my temporary greenhouse and put all the tender potted plants in that and cover the tender plants in the ground.  Oh, and some damn varmint ruined half of the peppers on the only bell pepper plant that had survived the drought, spider mites and what have you this summer.  So I had to pick all the peppers before they were ripe, which annoyed me no end.  Then I had to prepare the garden and put in the winter crops, while doing the John Merrick impersonation, of course.

So, yeah, I've had a lot of balls in the air over the last month or so and I just let things get out of control.  Then this afternoon while my wife and I were walking in the park I saw this string of ducks and I realized that I just needed to get my own ducks all in a row.  Usually I do that naturally without even thinking about it.  When I worked I was the go-to guy that could multiplex like nobody else and handle any crisis that came up.  For some reason I almost forgot how to do that now that I'm retired.  Maybe I'm just out of practice.  In any case I've resolved to not let that happen again.  I'm going to prioritize the stuff on my plate and make sure that I start writing regularly again;  maybe not twice a week, but definitely weekly.  So watch this space.  There is more to come.

Hello, My Name Is ...

It has finally cooled off a bit here in central Texas and I've managed to extricate myself from a heat-induced stupor long enough to write a few lines. 

To be honest, Ellie and I reached the point where we couldn't stand the heat anymore so we went for a little sojourn in the heartland.  We had kind of a multi-purpose trip:  We did some real vacationing, visited with relatives and picked up some memorabilia to add to the genealogy materials we have been accumulating the last several years.

I've always thought that one of the advantages of being retired is that you can vacation just about any time you want to.  That wasn't the case when we were working.  Back then it seemed that we were only able to get away for vacations when every other family in the world was on the road.  There were some advantages to that when our kids were small.  Motels are prepared to deal with families with children during that time of year and there are so many on the road that, even if your kids act up, no one really notices because they are part of a churning, ever-moving throng.

As we aged, though, we saw that there were a lot of disadvantages to being on the road during the peak vacation season.  For one thing, room rates are higher and fewer of them are available, so it is somewhat difficult to get the room you want.  Since motels tend to cater to families with kids in the prime vacation season, the front desk doesn't really want to hear that someone is jumping on the bed in the room above you (at least I think that's what was going on) or that soaking-wet kids are running up and down the hall by the indoor pool and leaving wet towels at your doorstep.  Nor are they interested when the parents let little Johnnie and Mary ( or I guess these days maybe it's Trace and Tiffany) take up space in the breakfast room at their own table for four, happily grabbing handfuls of breakfast rolls and donuts, glomming up the waffle maker and leaving trails of orange juice and Cap'n Crunch all over the chairs and tables while Mommy and Daddy read the only remaining copy of USA Today and sip the last two cups of the special roast Columbian as you try to find some uncontaminated food to take back to your room before heading out for the day.

When we retired, Ellie and I vowed never to travel during prime vacation time again.  So we joined AARP, AAA and as many motel chain loyalty clubs as we could find and began to travel during off-peak season when all the rugrats were back in school and room rates were low.  When we booked rooms using our loyalty cards we got great rates, and free stuff.  We got the best rooms available and lots of perks besides.  We were happy campers (well motel guests at least) until the first time we ran into the dreaded tour groups. 

Of course we had seen tour buses on our travels before.  They're usually parked out in front of a Cracker Barrel with the only decent restroom for 100 miles in all directions.  You never see them in front of the rest stops with pit toilets.  No, you get to use those while the umpty-seven doddering old folks on the tour bus queue up at the Cracker Barrel. 

So one morning when we looked out our motel room window before heading down to the lobby for the “free” breakfast (that we had really paid for as part of our room rent) and saw a bus labeled "Electric Blue Hair Tours" blocking the main entrance to the parking lot, we understood why, even though we are platinum members of the loyalty club, we had ended up the night before with the room at the far-r-r end of the first floor hall with the window that doesn't latch.  By the time we reached the lobby, dodging the suitcases piled in the hall all the way, the room was filled with old folks with “Hello my name is Gladys” pinned to their “Welcome to Amish Country” shirts and the last of the apricot Danish smeared across their faces.  Of course there was no coffee left by that time and the waffle maker was hopelessly mired in spilled batter.  We managed to snag the last two boxes of Cocoa Krispies (the Raisin Bran was long gone) and a couple of rubbery hard-boiled eggs in their very own child-proof (and apparently geriatric-proof) shrink wrap before casting about for a place to sit.  No luck there.  Although half the chairs had no one in them, they were filled with purses, jackets and boxes of Depends because the tour people in the breakfast room were saving seats for their new found friends.  We had noticed, however, that the motel had opened up the conference room for the overflow from the breakfast area.  So we ate there right next to a couple of tour group members from Moline who spent the whole time grousing because they weren't able to find a seat in the breakfast room.

That scene has been repeated several times during our travels.  So now one of Carl and Ellie's Rules of the Road is:  Never book a room in a tourist area during the senior tour season.

We've developed a few more rules that might help the unwary traveler to avoid situations like this.

Avoid motels if:

• there is a sign in the lobby that says: “Lock your car, dead-bolt your door and don't leave the room after dark.”
• there is a college home game within fifty miles and there are cars in the parking lot with team decals or flags, especially if they are surrounded by beer cans and there is a strong smell of urine.
• there is a tour bus in the parking lot.
• the motel shows up in the  Bedbug Registry

Ask for another room if:

• it's closer than four doors to the elevator or ice machine.
• your room is on the pool side and the pool is open past 10:00.
• the room is less than three doors from the lobby (unless you really like hearing the night clerk chattering with her friends until the wee hours of the morning.

Move to another motel if:

• your room is on the first floor and there is an ash tray on the outside window sill.
• it's evening and there is an 18-wheeler idling outside your room.

Oh yes, and run like the wind if you run into someone in the lobby who's wearing a tag that says “Hello, my name Is ...”